A guy out on the golf course takes a high-speed ball right
 in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

 When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says, 
 "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week
 and my fianc' is still a virgin in every way."

 The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let
 it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

 So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little
 four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive
 work of art.

 The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his
 honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse
 to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. 

 This was the first time he saw them.

 She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched
 these breasts."

 He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's
 still in the crate!" 

(anon)